Today was a rough day.. More that rough, I would have to say that today was possibly one of the worst says that I have ever had... and that's saying something.

So I wake up to a bitchy mother, which in it's self is normal, it's perfectly normal to wake up to her bitching at me to get up, and do something.. but today... it was different.

"i'm sick and tired of my girls being worthless, wastes of space, no good, fucking drug addicts." (( wow way to talk about yourself there mother dearest))

So I was like wtf... I don't do drugs.. I'm the good one, i'm sitting over here going to college.. but apparently i'm worthless... I blew it off, and was like, okay i'm staying away from you today, i can see your in a bad mood...

She then comes into the living room bitching at me saying I slammed the bedroom door, and I kindly corrected her saying "I didn't even get up of the sofa, it's cold in here, I didn't slam your door" In which she proceeded to call me a liar and a bitch and all that jazz, and if you know me, you know that I do not lie, for good reason.

So she went back into the room and was talking on the phone, I got on my laptop to check my email, and talk to my Flor Flor and a couple other of my friends.... She comes back out bitching for some unknown reason saying that if I wanted to be on my laptop that I could go outside and do that, so I got off, and went into the kitchen to do the dishes so I could leave for a while to just get away from her. Let me just tell you she wasn't having that. not at all. She came into the kitchen, snatched me up my my hair, and told me I could get the fuck out of the house, that I needed to go, and to not come back. She she threw me out, took my key, and locked the door. I had nothing. It was maybe 9am... it's freezing ass cold outside, maybe 465 degrees? I had a tank top, a pair of shorts on, and a flimsy pair of socks. No where to go, no way to call anyone to come and get me... My money in the house in my laptop case... Great... so i've no other choice but to go and sit outside and freeze.. so I sit out there, and finally about 2 hours later my grandma comes home, and lets me into her house. I slept in there for a little while, and then I decided to go back up stars and see what was going on.

She lets me back into the house, and I was getting dressed, my plan, to just go out for the day, and knowing my mom, she would forget about it. Well fuck my life..

Mom: "what are you doing?"
Me: " I don't know, I don't know what i'm doing, getting my stuff--"
Mom: "get out. get out, give me your keys and get the fuck out of my house, you're not welcome here anymore, i want you out"
Me: Starts to cry, panicking at this point, like what the hell am I going to do, fumbling to give her the damn keys and get my shit at the same time... "Fine, I guess i'm leaving then"
Mom: "Fine, bye, no one will miss you, you're worthless and a waste of space."
Me: "I fucking hate you, I hate you"

and I left... those were possibly the most hurtful words that anyone had ever said to me, and I feel horrible for saying I hate you.... because I don't care what she's done to me... I don't hate her... that's my mother.. you're not supposed to hate your mother, you're supposed to love them no matter what they do.. right?

So I grabbed what I could and I went and sat down at my grandmas, crying the entire time.... I couldn't get a hold of my friend to come and get me and I was just so upset.. My grandma talked me into going shopping with her and my auntie... So we did. I had managed to get some stuff that I was going to need for the place that I was going to stay at... shampoo, conditioner and stuff like that, common things... I finally got a hold of that friend, and my younger cousin helped me get a little bit of my things out of the house. and I left...

I don't regret leaving, no I don't, I know.. No one to hit me, no one to tell me i'm stupid, and lame and a worthless waste of space that will never amount to anything... I know... But... I miss my little one.. i miss my little baby nice... She'd sleep with me ever night... every single night, me and her would lay down and we'd watch barney together untill she fell asleep...I'm not going to get to do that anymore... I'm not going to get to hold her as much, I'm not going to get to take her places... I'm not going to get to do anything like that.. I don't get to see her cute little face every night before I go to sleep, or fell her little hands waking me up, calling out "mommy, mommy! time get up"... after I get home from my late casses.. I don't get to look forward to seeing her... Nothing. I get to go home, to a new, strange house, with nothing to welcome me but the walls. Sure other people live here, but they can't keep me company 24-7.. they have lives... and mine revolved around that little one...

I couldn't think this day could get anymore fucked up.. but I should have known that with the luck I have, it would.

I was getting read to go to bed this evening... ready to just crash out, when I got this urge to count my money, and make sure that everything was fine and dandy and to put some aside for rent and utilities and what not...

200 dollars was missing.. i though that I Might have miscounted or something like that so I counted it over, and over, and over, and even another time, until I started crying. the realization that the only one who was alone with my wallet was my mother... and I tried to talk myself out of thinking that it was her who took it, l mean after all that's my mother why would she steal my money?

*head desk head desk head desk* I am a fucking idiot.. that's all that needs to be said, I am an idiot.

She took my money... She took my money and there isn't a damn thing that I can do about it, i was fucking stupid for leaving my wallet up there... stupid for not getting it.... So now I'm 200 down... and fuck my life... just... *head desk*

I could really use a hug right now...